People of Earth
by joetwo
Greetings people of Earth. I am Lornax, ambassador from the Interstellar Alliance. The Alliance is a grouping of over fifty spacefaring civilisations united in our concern for less advanced races. Which brings us to the unfortunate circumstances of our arrival.
We have been observing you for many centuries, watching you, trying to determine the direction of your civilisation. Using our eons of experience we can say with a high degree of probability that your civilisation will annihilate itself within 100 years; plus or minus three decades. We have calculated that this is likely to occur either as a nuclear war (30 percent probability) or from environmental collapse (70 percent probability). Needless to say; this would not be acceptable.
It has been decided by the council of leaders of the Alliance to act to prevent the destruction of your world. A fleet of space craft has just emerged into Low Earth Orbit. They will shortly land close to all major population centres and begin operations. We would like to take this time to assuage your fears. After all it is only our intention to preserve your planet into the future. We are doing this for your own good.
As set out in the briefing documents; we will begin by reducing the planet’s population by 80 percent followed by confiscation of from hereafter “banned” technology including but not limited to fissile material, CFC’s, most major pesticides, herbicides and petroleum processing equipment (full list attached).
We expect full compliance with our order within three days. Failure to comply with a writ from the Alliance may be met with severe reprisals up to and including planetary bombardment, ground invasion, or the use of genetically modified pathogens, all of which are projected to result in higher population reduction than our voluntary measures.
You may argue, you may plead. But none of these things we require has not already been realised as necessary by your own scientists many times before. It is our intention to see them through.
We await your quick compliance.
#####
Written for Trifecta week fifty-nine.
Joe2stories 
Amazing. I wouldn’t be surprised if this actually happened sometime in the future, with what we’re doing to our Earth.
Don’t say you weren’t warned!
I was mesmerized while reading this, and my heart is thumping very fast! Wow!
Thanks!
Interesting. Great short.
Thank you!
This is brilliant. And the aliens are so polite! (:
If you’re going to go through the effort of learning English, you might as well do it correctly.
If this ever were to happen, I think Earth’s leaders would rather nuke this place into the ground than give up control.
The betting is the Alliance would know exactly how to stop them. Thanks for reading!
This would be funny if it didn’t ring with truth! I guess we’ll see which gets us first: nuclear or environmental.
Yeah! It is a bit of a buzz-kill! Thanks for reading
This may sound a bit nerdy but I liked the control you had over the tone, no slips making the voice sound inauthentic
Thank you! I appreciate it 🙂
Definitely has a “Hitchhikers” feel to it – Love the bit of humor blended in with the stern warming. I really liked reading this piece.
Thanks! I loved those books!
I love that all bureaucrats sound the same no matter how advanced or powerful. This was fantastic and I especially loved: As set out in the briefing documents; we will begin by reducing the planet’s population by 80 percent followed by confiscation of from hereafter “banned” technology including but not limited to fissile material, CFC’s, most major pesticides, herbicides and petroleum processing equipment (full list attached).
Because I can just imagine how long that list is!
The list was made by a committee. You can imagine how long that took! Thanks for reading.
Eeek!! You’ve been giving this some thought, huh? 😉
If we don’t sort this shit out someone else might!
We,the human race is doomed,any which way one sees it!:-(
Loved the way u drew us in-“concern for less advanced races.”-indeed & “trying to determine the direction of your civilisation”-food for thought there!Great practical solutions & a tough stand with the ultimatum at the end-Bravo!Won’t be surprised to see you win this time:-)
Why thank you! I appreciate it!
Loved reading it:-)
Hands up in the air, white flag tucked in pocket.
Indeed!
Intriguing, and fully believable premise.
Thanks!
This is great. The love the nonchalant tone, the politeness and the stern warning. Yet while I was reading this I pictured humans getting out the nukes and firing before we ever get the message.
That’s a definite no-no! You could get fined for that!
what? I guess I’m missing something.
It would be the equivalent of shooting a bb-gun at the riot squad when they come visiting. It is unlikely to stop them and probably just piss them off. Thanks for the comment!
Gotcha, I figured as much but I can still see us doing it.
I just meant that we would probably piss them off before we got the note. 🙂
I think the people of Earth truly need a letter like this sent out. We are in a self destruction mode for sure. Loved the way this letter flowed and the usage of the prompt.
Perhaps we will some day. Thanks for reading!
A great read. They certainly sound polite and organised, with the best of intentions. I suppose the 20% of the population that will be left should be grateful.
Thanks! Bureaucrats are the same the universe over!
I love science fiction. Now I’m wondering if Lornax had a hand in a few other disasters like the flood and the black plague.
Oh! He’d have mentioned it. They’re nothing if not straight-forward
That’s fantastic 🙂 Have you read “The Frescoe” by Sheri S. Tepper? similar idea, though the aliens who’ve come to help are somewhat less aggressive in their population-control plans.
No I haven’t but I’ll keep an eye out for it!