Doctor Joe: Agony Uncle 24

by joetwo

Doctor Joe: Agony Uncle, the ultimate fixer*.

Dear Dr. Joe,

I’ve just discovered I have a dissociative personality disorder and I’ve been sneaking out and picking up guys in a hotel bar for the last two years. I mean I kind of knew. When you wake up sore with booze on your breath and a new French tip manicure… Anyway, it turns out one of the guys is my own husband. What do I do?

~ Unwanted in Me


Dear Unwanted,

Firstly let me say categorically to you and all my readers that if you have a personality disorder or any other sort of mental affliction or suspect that you do (Let me say the fact that you have written me is a strong indicator of having one.) then you should contact your doctor or other mental health professional and seek treatment. It’s just good sense.

Now that the general good Samaritan, Public Service Announcement is out of the way Unwanted, let’s get to the meat and veg of this problem.

It is a sad state of affairs that even in this modern, liberal age, people still view everything sexual of being filthy or ‘Taboo’. This puts a pressure on all of us to conform, something that is more difficult for some than for others.

Unwanted, I think that the restrictive environment that you live in has repressed your natural desires to such an extent that they have burst out in the this most unusual fashion, namely picking up guys in the evening and having your wicked way with them, leaving the ‘normal’ repressed you with a nasty hangover and the occasional suspicious bruise.

I suppose, in the scheme of things stuff could have gone a lot worse for you. I mean you could have woken up in some guy’s sex dungeon chained to a guy in a gimp suit which I can tell you is very little fun.

It hasn’t even seemed to have damaged your marriage. I can’t ask your husband’s side of the story but he obviously knows about your nocturnal liaisons and seems to tolerate it.. if not even enjoy it.

This, Unwanted, is an opportunity for you to cure your ill. If, as I suspect, your affliction is caused by your oppression then the answer is clear. You can rebalance yourself by letting your inhibitions go free. Whatever you want to do, whatever comes to mind, no matter how deranged or insane do it. It may just save you.

Include your husband in this, he seems game. You could have a threesome, a devil’s three-way, maybe even a good old fashioned orgy. Your limit is only your imagination, and local population demographics.

The very best of luck,
Doctor Joe

*Editor’s note: a professional may be needed to fix what he ‘fixed’.

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