Doctor Joe: Agony Uncle 23

by joetwo

Doctor Joe: Agony Uncle, solves the problems people didn’t know they had*.

Dear Doctor Joe:

I’ve recently added another girl to my stable, much to the first’s dismay. They fight incessantly, raising a great racket day and night, and on several occasions have come to blows! This can go on for hours, and then end up with both being sullen for days.

I’m sure a man of your great perspicacity has already grasped my problem. While I have no issue with the girls silence, I am dismayed that to date none of the fights have devolved into the hardcore lesbian love scenes that my favorite movies depict.

What am I doing wrong?

Sincerely, Domley
Dear Domley,

I am glad you wrote me because in your problem we see a classic case of the dangers of not taking adequate precautions when adding a new girl to your stable. What was clearly meant to be a time of Joy and naughty, naughty antics has turned to one of turmoil and totally the wrong kind of girl on girl action. If there was a lesson to be learned please, please, be careful in your introductions.

Don’t just throw your new girl right in amongst the wolves. Introduce her gently. Don’t put her right into the master bedroom; stick her in the attic conversion and visit her there. Don’t make her help make you dinner; let her do something separate like dessert. It is baby steps like these that will allow the rest of your harem take kindly to the newcomer and leave the home life a lot more peaceful for you.

Some commentators think you could even go further and say you should try and match the new girl to your existing women. Not go as far as giving them a say of course, that would just be nutty, but perhaps to think of how this new addition will fit with the rest. Do you need another blonde? Will a more husky lady suit better for colder nights? All these things should be considered if you want the domestic bliss you seek.

As for you Domley. While you have had a rough time of it there is a way to turn this thing around. You simply add some alcohol. After a couple of beers, maybe a few shots. Simply take your camera, I assume you have a video camera for filming the girls fighting, and point it at them. It is a known fact that women when drunk, no matter how much they hate each other, will always start making out when a camera is pointed at them. That’s science. While it is not the hard-core action you were hoping for, it may be best to think of it as opening the door. I’m confident that they will walk through.

The very best of luck,
Doctor Joe

*Editor’s note: He usually makes them up as he goes along.

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