Doctor Joe: Agony Uncle 12

by joetwo

Doctor Joe: Agony Uncle, the final stop to sort out your problem*

Dearest Doctor Joe,

All my friends have been eating on my nerves to start dating. I’m not the stereotypical librarian with the demure pearls and bland sepia outfits. But it seems like something is wrong with me or it might be my habit of randomly quoting lines from Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings and correcting grammatical mistakes.
The girls roll their eyes at this and threaten to chain me down and drag me shopping and man hunting. There must be something I can do before they carry out the threat (as they’re apt to do!).

Hesitant and hightailing Librarian.

Dear Hesitant and Hightailing Librarian,

I am saddened to hear about your problems with dating. While I may question their methods I cannot argue with the fact that you are missing out on a wonderful opportunity.

Let me break it down for you. As you claim to be able to quote Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings you have revealed yourself as that most elusive of creatures the female nerd or nerdette if you will. Male nerds, of which there is a gross abundance, dream about finding a woman who can quote line after line from their favourite program or movie in fact it is a must (I divorced my second wife over a Firefly misquote; I think it was harsh but fair). These are the kind of men who would suit you, the kind who would follow you to the end of the Earth. I’m going to tell you how to exploit that.

What the average nerd lacks in style, looks or rudimentary social skills they more than make up in that most elusive of qualities, potential. Yes! a nerd is far more likely to strike it rich through the judicious use of their technology skills or in-depth knowledge of mathematics. By getting them early Hesitant you have a chance of striking it rich, and in the mean-time you can ensure that all your tech-support gets done for free.

Of course for any given population of nerds maybe only one or two will eventually strike it lucky. How can you know which one to go for? You don’t Hesitant but this is where dating nerds comes into its own. These socially inept magicians of the keyboard will be so wrapped up in their own world that you will be able to keep several of the most promising ones on the go at the same time, there is no chance they’ll see you with one of the others, you’ll probably hardly ever see them yourself.

Of course if you don’t want a nerd for a boyfriend and instead want someone “normal” and are concerned about scaring them off with your nerdiness don’t be troubled, all you have to do is shut the hell up and you’ll get on just grand.

Whatever course you decide the very best of luck.

Take care,
Doctor Joe

*Editors Note; it is amazing how low people will sink when they are desperate.

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