Doctor Joe: Agony Uncle 11

by joetwo

Doctor Joe: Agony Uncle; Bringing quality advice for five years*

Dear Doctor Joe,

I have been married for over three years now and I have found that I am getting into more and more rows with my husband over the smallest things. It is not that they are even important things; just petty little disagreements. We both are getting fed up with these and want to stop. The thing is; we don’t know how.

Is there a way you can help us?

Fighting Fiona.


Dear Fighting Fiona,

Domestic disagreement is part of every marriage and even the most committed pairs sometimes have their rough patches. However I can see that continuous arguments my cause an undue strain on the relationship. That is why I want to help you, by making sure you always win.

I say this because I’m going to assume that you’re the one who is always right here, the woman is always the right one, no matter what the facts are, she’s right. The sooner your husband gets that through his thick head the better things will be for him. Until then he is just fighting against the inevitable and it is only causing friction.

Of course you might be able to speed along this development via a process of training. This involves a simple process of outrageous overreaction to every argumentative move that your husband makes. When he makes a comment you scream, when he raises his voice you break cutlery, and when he shouts you go after him with a knife. By being a complete and utter pyscho, you will lead your husband to believe that it is not worth the hassle to start an argument with you, or interact with you in general, and that is the secret to a long and lasting marriage.

The best of luck to you Fiona and remember; nobody argues with the woman holding a grenade.

Take care,
Doctor Joe

*Editor’s Note: The other twenty years were pretty poor though.

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