Doctor Joe: Agony Uncle 9

by joetwo

Doctor Joe: Agony Uncle, dives straight into the heart of the problem*.

Dear Doctor Joe,

I have been with my boyfriend now for over three months and I think I am falling for him. The problem is, he is quite well off and used to the finer things. Whenever we go out he insists it is to the finest restaurants, the best events or the most exclusive clubs. My finances are not the best and I can’t afford to keep on doing this. When I broached the subject to him he insisted that he would pay for our excursions himself as “his treat”. I don’t like the sound of that as it makes me feel like I am using him.

What can I do?

Poor Penelope


Dear Poor Penelope,

I had to read your letter several times to finally understand what it was you were trying to say. You have a man you are crazy about, willing to pay for you to go to all the best things in life, and you think this is a  problem?

Boggles the mind!

However I do kind of see where you are coming from. You don’t want to constantly impose on your boyfriends hospitality without paying your fair share or giving back in return. This is noble of you. But you forget one crucial thing here Penelope. You are able to give something back in return.

It really is simple. By paying for the meal or the entertainment your boyfriend is in essence paying for your company. The man seems to like having you around and is willing to pay through the nose for it. Instead of being disturbed Penelope, you should be flattered. The question therefore becomes not what he pays but rather whether or not you are giving him his money’s worth.

For illustrative purposes I have decided to consult the price list from Madam Chao’s house of eastern delights (Not something I am wont to do, I just have an account.) The prices there vary from around 40 for a blowjob from toothless Charlotte (A dependable woman) to a whopping five thousand a session for a foursome with the Lin triplets in the jumbo paddling pool filled with treacle (A birthday treat for someone special). You may of course need to reduce your rate slightly since these girls are experts in the field and earn professional fees. But for general purposes I think these values are fair enough.

What you do then is simple. Whatever your boyfriend decides to spend on you, you consult the list to find what would be the ‘service’ that is closest to that value. Of course; you don’t necessarily have to go for the straight price-match either. Much like several elements going into your nights out, you can build up your payback with more than one ‘service’ with for example five blow-jobs instead of an S&M session in a Furry Costume (again for illustrative purposes; I’ll send you the price list). It would be a simple matter to reach an agreement on all this through some negotiation with your boyfriend.

Have fun leveling the score!

Good Luck,

Doctor Joe

*Editors note: Unfortunately the straight route to the heart is through several other vital organs. Significant damage may occur.

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