Doctor Joe: Agony Uncle 4

by joetwo

Doctor Joe: Agony Uncle, the man who knows the answers*.

Dear Doctor Joe,

My name is Toothsome.  According to my friend Mac Giggles, I can not make myself a comic because I am already a comic.

How are you going to help me on this matter?

Must you advise me to undergo EFT?

I hope to hear from you soon!

Desperately seeking help.

Toothsome

**************

Dear Toothsome,

I’m going to start by telling you if your parents called you toothsome and you take seriously anything that comes out of a man called Mac Giggles you may have bigger and deeper problems than the one you alluded to. Nevertheless I will endeavour to answer your question.

First of all who is telling you you’re a comic? Is it only one person? Your first stop should be your other friends and relatives to ask them if you look like a comic. Maybe it is time for some introspection too? Ask yourself “Do I look like a comic? Am I made of low-grade publisher’s paper? Am I a collection of two-dimensional images? Can I be found at the bottom shelf of any good newsagent?” If the answer to any of these questions is “No!” than you are not yet a comic and your way is clear.

Secondly; why would you want to be a comic in the first place. You may find that the illusion is far better than the reality, much like I did with my dream of starring in Mexican midget porn. Maybe it would be best to sample the life before making the commitment by, for example, getting yourself read by a teenage boy and left under his bed until you are cleaned out three months later by his mother (Don’t worry about the smell; you’ll get used to it and if you happen to find a single grubby sock for the love of God don’t touch it!) If you find that agreeable then your next step would be to contact a suitably qualified medical practitioner.

I hope that solves your problem.

Doctor Joe

P.S. I had no idea what EFT was so I asked the nephew. He said it was “Electronic Funds Transfer”. Now unfortunately, due to some ‘Misunderstanding’ with several national governments I have been forced to store all of my money in a sack in a secret location and am unable to receive electronic transfers. However; if you wish to send me a cheque made out to “Cash” that will be most acceptable. Thanks!

*Editor’s note: Though we’re not entirely sure he’s figured out the questions.

If you want the chance to ask Doctor Joe your own question click the link here.

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