Doctor Joe: Agony Uncle 3
Doctor Joe: agony uncle, here to solve your problems*
Dear Doctor Joe,
I’m now 62-Do you think I should continue to wax my moustache?
Dear Vanity Unfair,
I’m going to answer your question by telling you this story. Many years ago,when I was just entering my late thirties I realized that I was old enough to start granny-grabbing. I had been interested in trying this out for some time due to a somewhat misinformed theory concerning no teeth and late-stage Parkinson’s. Using my then irresistible charms, I was able to woo one eighty year old woman into my apartment where we promptly got down to business.
I shudder to think what happened next! No sooner had she gone down on me than she started to struggle and made gagging noises. It appeared that her moustache, tastefully bleached, had become snagged, velcro-like against my own fine mop of pubic hair. She had been deep-throating and was unable to pull back, leading her to some distress. Assessing the situation, I grabbed her firmly by the head and yanked her free, with an audible rip, and some discomfort to myself.
Alas the prolonged deep-throating and relative violence to setting her free was too much for her eighty year old heart. She died there on the spot. She was gone, I was distraught , the paramedics were appalled. I had to pay a lot of money for their silence, and more to the nurses at the home to make it look like it was natural causes. Even then I realized the necessity of a good name.
In closing Vanity. You can stop waxing if you wish but you never know if it may lead to an unexpected and horrific end.
Take care and all the best.
*Editor’s note: not a guarantee of success.
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