Doctor Joe: Agony Uncle

by joetwo

Doctor Joe: Agony Uncle, here to solve your problems*.

Dear Doctor Joe,

Three weeks ago my boyfriend of three years dumped me for no reason. I still feel for him and believe we have a future together. What can I do?

Lonely Louise


Dear Lonely Louise,

I’m very glad you contacted me because I have just the solution for your problem, Slut up! Yes Louise; nothing makes a man’s thoughts dwell on reconciliation than the sight of an ex wearing fish-net suspenders and a cleavage so deep you could go spelunking in it. So get out there, bring out your inner prostitute and lure that man back to his senses.

But as I write this I find myself asking. Why should he be the one who comes to you? After all; we live in a modern age, women are encouraged, even expected, to take the initiative in so many aspects of life. Why not romance?  If you think that you are destined to be together what prevents you from going to him and telling him that? Taking the example of an ex girlfriend I can tell you that two court orders, a very high, electrified fence and armed guards couldn’t prevent her from telling me what she felt about me.

Maybe you should take her example; appear at the foot of his bed at four in the morning, holding a teddy bear with his name carved into its head and profess your undying love for him.  At home, in work, on the street, while he’s on the toilet. All are valid places to express that you want him back.

It is all to do with where his thoughts are. If he can’t start his car without checking underneath for you hanging on (Ah! The memories) that means that you aren’t far from his thoughts.

All the best and happy hunting.

Doctor Joe

*Editors note: This advice will not solve your problems. For the love of God don’t follow it!


Written for Trifecta week sixty-four.