I need some direction I think. I haven’t had any for quite some time.
It is not that I have been idle, far from that. It is just that I have been rather aimless in what I have been up to.
My education would be best described as ‘disjointed’ I never studied anything in-depth and instead took lots and lots of short courses in everything from ancient history to animal husbandry.
Because I was without any specific skills I have also had a tendency to jump from one job to another almost at random. For Six months I picked oranges in Spain, for a year I sheared sheep in New Zealand and for three months I hauled crates at a fish factory.
They have all been wonderful experiences, I do not regret a second of any of them. It is just that there was no underlying purpose to them all. No path if you will, for my life to be set on. Everything instead seems to happen at random, on a whim even. How can I plan for the future when I do not know where I will be in a month?
The real problem is I don’t want to plan. As if planning will take away my freedom, make me older than I feel. This irrational phobia has kept my life in constant flux, prevented me from settling, and made my feet permanently itchy.
The funny thing was that when I was young People used to look up to me. They thought the fact that I had travelled so much, had been in so many different jobs, could come and go as I please, all of that, was some sort of fantasy. They don’t think that now. People who in their teens idolised me, now snidely remark now I could never get health insurance with my income.
Maybe it will help, maybe it won’t. But I have to try.
I need some Direction I think. I haven’t had any for quite some time.